Get To vs. Have To

Get To vs. Have To

We've all heard the old saying:

"If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life."

I've always wondered about that.

It sounds good, but I think it can create a surprising amount of pressure.

Especially for young professionals who are constantly surrounded by messages telling them what they should be doing, what their career should look like, how much money they should be making, and what their purpose and passion are supposed to be.

Social media hasn't exactly made this easier.

We're constantly comparing our lives to other people's highlight reels, wondering if we're doing enough, earning enough, traveling enough, or living the "right" life.

And somewhere in all that noise, I wonder if we've lost the ability to simply ask ourselves:

What actually matters to me?

What if we stopped worrying so much about what we should be doing?

What if we stopped letting our parents, our friends, our coworkers, or society decide what's supposed to make us happy?

What if we trusted ourselves a little more?

Most of us have put a tremendous amount of thought and effort into getting where we are. We chose a career. We went to school or learned a trade. We worked our way up. We made decisions based on what mattered to us at the time.

And yet, even once we get there, the outside noise doesn't stop.

Someone tells us we should make more money.

Someone else tells us we should work fewer hours.

Someone tells us our organization doesn't really care about us, so why should we care about it?

Maybe they're right.

Maybe they're wrong.

But here's the problem:

They aren't living our lives.

They don't know how we experience our work.

They don't know what we value.

They don't know what we're getting from the relationships we've built, the work we've chosen, or the life we're creating.

Their opinions can easily become more noise that pulls us away from our own experience.

This is where I think the distinction between "have to" and "get to" becomes really powerful.

What if, instead of focusing on what we have to do every day, we started paying attention to what we get to do?

A surgeon doesn't have to perform five surgeries today.

They get to help five people get their lives back.

A custodian doesn't have to take out the trash and clean a school.

They get to create a safe, healthy environment where children can learn.

A physical therapist doesn't have to spend the day seeing patients.

They get to help people return to the activities and lives they love.

The circumstances haven't changed.

The work hasn't changed.

The perspective has.

And this isn't just about work.

It shows up at home, too.

Think about the difference between:

"My spouse never picks up their socks or puts the cap back on the toothpaste."

And:

"I appreciate that my spouse cooks dinner five nights a week and tells me they love me every morning before they leave for work."

Same relationship.

Same toothpaste.

Very different experience.

One focuses our attention on what's missing.

The other focuses our attention on what's already there.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't address things that bother us. Appreciation doesn't require us to ignore problems or avoid difficult conversations.

It simply changes the place we're coming from when we have them.

The Conscious Leadership Group describes this as being above or below the line.

Above the line, we're open, curious, and more connected to abundance.

Below the line, we're closed, focused on being right, and caught up in the feeling that there isn't enough.

I think "get to" is often an above-the-line perspective.

"Have to" can pull us below the line.

And the interesting thing is that we can move between the two without changing anything about our circumstances.

We simply change the lens through which we're looking.

Appreciation is powerful because our attention tends to follow what we repeatedly focus on.

If we're constantly looking for what's wrong, we'll find it.

If we're intentionally looking for what's working, we'll find that too.

So I wonder...

What would happen if you spent one week paying attention to the things you get to do?

Not pretending everything is perfect.

Not ignoring the things that need to change.

Just noticing.

The meeting you get to attend.

The people you get to work with.

The body that gets you through your day.

The partner or family you get to come home to.

The opportunities you get to pursue.

The difficult conversations you get to have because you care enough about the relationship to have them.

Maybe happiness isn't always about changing our circumstances.

Maybe sometimes it's about changing the way we experience the circumstances we've chosen.

What in your life are you currently below the line on that, if you shifted your perspective above the line, might make you much happier?