Self Limiting Beliefs

Self-Limiting Beliefs

I’ve always found it difficult to watch someone speak about themselves in a way that doesn’t match what I see in them.

Maybe you’ve experienced this too.

You see someone who is talented, kind, capable, and loved by the people around them, yet somehow they can’t seem to see any of that in themselves.

Instead, they question whether they’re good enough.

They compare themselves to others.

They worry that someone is going to figure out that they really aren’t as capable as everyone thinks they are.

They convince themselves that they don’t deserve the success, the relationship, the opportunity, or even the love that is being offered to them.

Why is it so difficult for us to see ourselves the way others sometimes see us?

I believe much of it comes down to the stories we have created about ourselves.

At some point in our lives, we may have learned that we weren't smart enough, strong enough, attractive enough, successful enough, or worthy enough.

Maybe someone told us.

Maybe we experienced something that made us believe it.

Maybe we watched the people around us struggle with their own sense of worth and quietly learned from them.

And sometimes, these beliefs become so familiar that we stop recognizing them as beliefs.

We simply experience them as truth.

But what if they aren't?

One of the things I find most interesting about our minds is that we can spend years believing something about ourselves without ever stopping to ask, “Is this actually true?”

As children, we don't have much ability to question the messages we're receiving. We absorb them. We make meaning from them. We develop ways of seeing ourselves and the world that help us navigate the environment we're in.

And then we grow up.

The good news is that we aren't required to keep believing everything we learned along the way.

We can become aware of the stories.

We can notice the voice in our head.

We can get curious about where those beliefs came from and, perhaps more importantly, whether they are still serving us.

That doesn't mean we simply replace every negative thought with a positive one.

Sometimes it's much more powerful to simply ask:

“Is this true?”

“Whose belief is this?”

“What would be possible for me if I didn't believe this?”

And sometimes we need other people to help us see what we can't see for ourselves.

A trusted friend. A partner. A mentor. A coach.

Someone who can hold up a mirror and gently ask the questions that help us see the difference between who we actually are and the story we've been telling ourselves about who we are.

Because sometimes the biggest thing standing between us and the life we want isn't a lack of ability.

It's the belief that we aren't capable of creating it.

Fall has always seemed like a beautiful metaphor for this.

The trees don't hold onto their leaves because they're afraid of what will happen when they let go.

They simply let go when it's time.

And in that letting go, they create space for what comes next.

So perhaps the question isn't:

“What is wrong with me?”

Maybe the question is:

“What am I still believing about myself that I'm ready to let go of?”

What story have you been carrying that no longer serves you?

What belief has kept you safe, but is now keeping you small?

And what might become possible if you were willing to let that belief fall away?

Sometimes growth doesn't require us to become someone new.

Sometimes it simply requires us to let go of the story that told us we couldn't be who we already are.